*COUGH*
How long has it been? I'm thinking it's been around 6 - 7 months since I've last posted or replied to anything on IGN and knowingly being a part of the completely active side of MyIGN, I'm sure most you all noticed that I vamoosed like some assassin or something. But yes, it's true, I totally abandoned you guys but I have perfectly legitimate reasons. And, no I was not on a super top secret mission to go assassinate someone, I'm not that cliche! I swear! (Even though that sounds super awesome and fun.) Mind you, I'd rather not talk a lot about what I've actually been going through in excruciating detail. Good news is that I'm back afterall right? To top it off, since my absence I notice that I'm still getting new users to follow me, to which I have no clue why, but you won't see me complaining.
I did however suffer a big financial blow that's pretty much left me broke amidst losing one job and quitting two, though those aren't even the reasons why I've lost a lot of greens to begin with. I admit there was a certain period in-between my not being here, where emotionally and mentally I literally felt my brain miss a few slides in my animation wheel. I pride myself in facing everything with a tenacity and veracity that honestly kept me very strong inside. You get back up again stronger than you ever thought you could be, and stay true to yourself even if you may have to compromise a few things. However there were times where I literally felt like I had no soul, and wasn't thinking straight. I never felt truly broken though because I don't believe in being unhappy and not content in one's life despite shortcomings. I'm happy to a fault.
Another thing that really gave me a hard time was gaining guardianship over my 19 year old severely autistic mute brother. Something that usually takes half an hour to sign a document, became a back and forth dialogue between myself and the court because they had initially rejected my papers. Thankfully all that's settled though and it's been smooth sailing on that end.
The biggest thing I had to juggle with was balancing my own cultural identity between my own individuality. Learning what to take and what to leave, my family is really conservative and follows a strict moral code of ethics, yet also keeps true to very traditional, sometimes extremely narrow-minded sort of thinking. It's been a clash, that's overbearing but will always be something I have to face. The past month I had to realize that I'm very proud of where I come from but more so, who I am as an individual. Yes, I'll always coin the term "back home" as Trinidad, India or Indonesia though my birthplace will always be Canada. In an anthropological perspective, it's a natural inclination to be proud of where you originated from as the people before represents a part of your legacy of where you stand today and their success. Especially so, when your parents are first generation immigrants. But if I have to forgo my identity as a Canadian for the more dominant one in my racial/religious community and be oppressed by it, then no, fuck that because first and foremost I'll always be a born Canadian. If I did otherwise, I'd be sentencing myself to life as some stupid, random, second class citizen. Fuck that.
What I went though, is something a lot of people who don't have big families and such, never need to go through but everyone's given their own sort of endeavors to deal with. Honestly, I believe we were all made differently anyways, because if we were all made equally, we'd only all be good for the same thing. We all need difference because that's what builds a whole society since we balance one another in our experiences and inexperience.
I ended up losing a lot of friendships and I'm unapologetic in that regard. There's no shame in leaving people behind that don't care about you or are a waste of time. Because whether online or not, there are some people that will become your friends and some friends that will just become people. It's the natural thing in life.
For all the new folks that have joined MyIGN, congrats, enjoy this place while you can because I sure as hell did. (SHOUT OUT, to Lucy and Bob; I know you guys aren't here anymore but I still miss and love you guys dearly.) I got a lot of e-mails from people practically begging me to come back (courtesy of giving out my e-mail I guess, which I don't regret but was actually surprised at the amount of people that really cared. And for the few of you youngíns who call me a role model and inspiration. Please just, no, I'm only human. But thank you kindly.)
As for what I've been doing now, pretty much being the same Renaissance woman I've always been. Talking to people about my experiences on life, walking away, having people say "Wow, that was a neat gal," and them not seeing me ever again. Haha, I decided to show my face again here though! Mind you, I will be away for most of next month again because of the three festivals I'll be working at. Lots of running around, I know I did write a blog about one rather extensively here on IGN. They also asked me to be on TV to promote their festival so we'll see if that goes through and if it does, I'll try to see if I can find the video and post it here.
The next thing I've been doing by keeping busy is sharing my love for hockey and actually using my knowledge to do something for others. I've been working at a help fund for adolescence and kids to play in official hockey leagues, and try to complete their dreams of playing in the field on a professional level. It's one of the most expensive sports in the world, so basically setting up projects to gain money and awareness for families in constant financial constraints, which is like 75% of what happens to most families. They push their sons really hard but have to stop just because it's way too expensive. It's seriously silly because so many people with actual talent just can't succeed due to the amount of money being pushed into the industry that apparently everyone needs to adhere to. We recently had a thing called "Fivehole for Food" where we play hockey to raise money for homeless and young kids.
Been also blog writing in a hockey community, following stats and watching analytics. It's interesting, though in that kind of field there's not a lot of women so it can be annoying at times to get in peoples heads that I actually know what I'm talking about when I elaborate on valid topics. Mostly keeping tabs on up in coming farm teams in North America and Europe (AHL, KHL) for the Western Conference Division. It's been a heck of a lot of fun, though super tiring. The mathematical parts of it with all the numbers is what tends to get lost on me.
All in all, I'm still struggling but it's nothing compared to what I was going through when I left.
So yeah, your sexy Mary Ann, Anna, Queen Lady of the North, Nita, Empress, MA, Maryam, Empress is back! HAH.
Another Note: Kat bring on the blogs that I've missed. Because you bet your ass I'm goin ta read ém all and comment, sweetheart. Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Anyone one else that in particular wants a comment from myself on their previous blogs, be my guest and link it here. I'll be glad to read them! ^_^