That Pinnacle Point...

So this is a more personal story, if you're not into mushy gushy stuff than I suggest you turn back before even reading this. This is a non-edited version since I basically forced myself to post a blog for updating sake, so don't be surprised to see bad grammar or funky wording - I'm tired.

Back when I was younger I didn't have many friends. My concept of friendship was a rather naive and albeit greatly skewed one, based largely on the population of the school I went to and not the actual people that cared to spend time with me for who I was, however few and far between they were. I never approached anyone and the people that did only did so because the school I went to was a private school where my father had previously worked as a prominent board-member and later the Main Administrator for 8 years. Basically put since the bright age of four I had a reputation to keep just like my elder brother and the siblings to come after me because of the well-respected and adored personality that my father was.

I was liked for my blameless personality thought in retrospect a very submissive one. I never questioned my teachers or fellow students and if fingers started pointing, I would instantly question if it was my fault before anyone elses; regardless if I done anything wrong not. I cried easily and was very much an introvert - my usual recess consisting of me being alone walking around aimlessly trudging from muddy grass to concrete parking lot with nothing to do or simply observing the other kids from afar. Which was honestly and understandably my least favorite and most dreaded 30 minutes of each day in my life. Gradually I took to keeping busy with the company of books as opposed to videogames since I was brought up in a stricter upbringing where videogames were an absolute no-no. And frankly speaking I had not a single desire or care because I never experienced them for myself or had any friends to speak about them to me. I lived in a quasi-bubble so to speak. I interacted with many people but only at face value.

There were expectations from teachers and other staff that befell upon us, as I was unofficially entered into the "invisible" group of privileged staffroom children. Of which 80% of them were from my age group. Any child that had some sort of family relation or parent working within the school were automatically gained rights that I at the time; because of how innocent I was - thought was unfair to the other children and still believe so till this day. One example being that each day while all the kids had to wait outside patiently for their class number to be called before entering the school even throughout the coldest of winters (which was often), a group of students including myself always got to go in without question. We had instant access to all TV’s and staff rooms which meant access to microwaves (hot foods) while the rest ate cold lunches, etc. While normally this wouldn't exactly be a problem for the school because most staff students knew better than to divulge - it was a problem for me because I had the unfortunate timing of begin born in the same year as a heartless bunch of girls that would always flaunt their "power" in very cruel ways and get away with it. I won't give too many details but let's just say enough to get a poor boy a burnt face due to boiling noodles being thrown in his face during lunch hour.

I spent most of my time with these girls in the backdrop but that's when I silently thought enough was enough; I couldn't handle being in their presence. I began to silently wait outside with the rest of the other students every morning and would go to heat up lunches for kids in my classroom who's parents would accidentally (or lazily) give microwavable lunches for them. Needless to say, a few of those said females got jealous to the point of "ex-communicating" me from their group and making up lies to their parents (who were teachers) to get me in trouble. By then I had a number of guys stand up for me from time to time but other than that I was bullied quite often and had no true backbone to speak of. Not to mention they always ended up in the same class as myself each year. I put up a front that they were still my friends when it came to talking to my father but in truth it was the exact opposite. At some point I believe I was too shy and even felt ashamed when I felt like saying something. I just never had the courage and out of respect for my busy father, didn’t want to cause him too much thought by “complaining.” I was a good girl that tried my best never to cause difficulty and I sorely tried to keep it that way.

All the while back in school, I was called harsh insults, made fun of because of my name, had to endure racist Asian slurs towards my mother because she looked Chinese, had objects hurled at me and at one point I was thrown and locked into a big, dirty bathroom with no lights until lunch period was over. As a bunch of nasty girls sang a tasteless rendition of ‘Bloody Mary,’ saying some atrocious things I’d rather not mention. The majority of these incidents happened during recess where no supervisor could really look over a whole flock of grade school students by themselves. Because, really lets be realistic.Image may be NSFW.
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Other than that, I seemed like I never changed or that anything was happening to me at all. I took it, like a good girl. And the other children that did know would never say anything because what happened with the staff kids, stayed with the staff kids. It wasn’t that I hated school, in fact quite the opposite –academically I soared and there were great kids around me, it just so happened that my mind was too preoccupied by the negative influences that kept on coming into my life.

It was around this time that my father happened to befriend a family that also had some of their children enlisted in the same school as mine. None of them were in the same class as I; though they did have a son my age. We would frequent their house quite often during weekends and I remember my first visit there being a quiet one. Though finally someone did manage to get me off of my seat to join my other siblings and the host’s children in an entertainment room of sorts. The TV was playing but it wasn't the first thing I noticed. Still till this very day do I remember the captivating feeling of having my eyes fixated on another much smaller TV in a corner where one of the kids was introducing my brother to Mortal Kombat II.

Back then I only really knew of Pokemon and Mario and neither of which I liked at all. Nothing ever quite truly quipped my interest as rapidly as Mortal Kombat did. More so to the fact that as a child, it exuded confidence of which I never had, something I was so magnetically attracted to because it was a quality that I would later realize as something I wanted to obtain. The gruesomeness I wouldn’t normally be used to slipped my mind the minute I saw the great words of a battle match over. I didn’t play that time – as I automatically felt it was something only “boys” were allowed to partake in but even watching I could tell it had a profound yet strange effect on me. Like I wanted to be that person on the screen. Image may be NSFW.
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Time had taken me to a different place afterwards. While I was still bullied, I became quite close to this family with many visits and the occasional sleepover that I for once enjoyed. Though better yet, I relished in the fact that I could actually play videogames wherein my usual household such things weren’t permitted. Their home being the introduction to my gaming experience and not by the male siblings like I first expected (my eyes always straying to the bottom shelf underneath the VCR during every visit, silently trying to communicate some form of body language to them) but by my now female friends who insisted I play a decent game of Tekken or Dead or Alive with them.Image may be NSFW.
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